


Knowing.

by CasualWinchester



Series: Crush [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Bisexual Isabelle Lightwood, Bisexual Magnus Bane, Bisexual Simon Lewis, Boys In Love, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Homophobia, Hospitals, Hurt Alec, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Protective Alec, Secrets, Supportive Magnus Bane, Touch-Starved, scared Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 00:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8599825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualWinchester/pseuds/CasualWinchester
Summary: Alec is left injured and afraid by his father. A trip to the hospital and a run in with friends leads to everything being revealed. Alec is left emotionally fragile and relies on the fabulous Magnus Bane to help him through.





	

**Knowing.**

**Alec:**

I never did get to find out what was wrong with Magnus because as soon as he finished his small salad, which was barley anything. He, Ragnor, Catarina, and Isabelle all headed back to college.

It has been a week since I saw him and if I am being honest with myself, I'm going crazy with nerves. What if something was really wrong with him and he's only going to get worse. No one else noticed that anything was the matter with him, only me! What if no one has noticed and he is suffering.

My nerves have caused me to slack off slightly at work and I know it's not going to be long before Dad comes down here to make it clear what happens to people like me when they take things for granted. It's not the first time it's happened. Once He came in here when everyone else was on their lunch break and punched me right in the face because I let Isabelle do some of my work even though she stole it from me and said I was working too hard.

I was right, it did happen. On a day where I was conveniently in on my own.

I was sitting staring out of the window and chewing on the end of my pen. Wondering what Magnus was doing and if I should try reaching out for him. I didn't realize Dad was behind me until I heard the door almost slam shut.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" He sounded mad. Very mad. He came up behind me when I failed to answer him and grabbed me by the hair. I yelled out but a slap to my face stopped me from being too loud. "Shut the fuck up you prick!" He whisper yells into my hair before letting me fall to the floor.

"Yes, Sir." I gasp as I hit the floor. The way I landed makes me believe that something in my hand was broken. I stifle a cry though because I knew that was only going to make things worse for me.

"Who do you think you are. Wasting the company's time just because you are too lazy to do the job I gave you. I think you owe me gratitude but no you waste my time." He kicks me in the stomach in a fit of anger. It makes me gasp but I bite my lip hard so I wouldn't make a noise. It makes my lip bleed but I don't care.

"I'm sorry Sir...I- I haven't been very w-well." I stammer, looking down at the ground so I wouldn't see the hatred in his eyes. It still saddens me to this day that my father could hate me so much when he used to care so much about me. I never think he would've been capable of doing something like this.

"That is no excuse!" He snarls before leaning down to slap me again, this time he stops to roughly grab my face. "I gave you this job even though I knew exactly what a faggot you were. I could take this away and ruin your life if I wanted too, but no I am merciful even to a piece of shit like you." He grips my face harder and I find it hard to fight back the tears but I do, knowing that if I cry he would just make fun of me further. "If you haven't managed to finish all the work I give you by the end of the week then I will be back." He roughly shoves my face away from him before storming out of the office. Leaving me lying on the office floor.

I lay there for several minutes before Clambering back up onto my chair. I can't waste anymore time or I will be in a much worse condition than I am now. My left hand is pulsing and swelling slightly so I know that there is something wrong with it. But it can wait until later. I have other things to think about first. Lucky for me it is my left hand that hurts and not my writing hand.

With that I set off back to work on the many pieces of paper that litter my desk.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I work for over eight hours. Ignoring the pain in my hand that is steadily getting worse and worse as time goes by. It's almost twice it's size now. I know that I should go to the hospital now but If I don't finish this work I have to do then I will be behind on the small schedule I made a couple of hours ago.

I was so into my work that I didn't even realize that Isabelle and Raphael were standing in the room. It made me jump when I felt their presence behind me, half expecting it to be Dad again.

"Wow you look you have seen a ghost, calm down big bro it's just us." Isabelle grins then plops herself down on my desk. "We are here to invite you out for dinner, Jace and the others will be there too. Everyone from school has missed you." Isabelle seemed to be hinting at something but I had no idea what it is.

"I can't, I have work to do. Dad needs it done by the end of the week." I tell her. I don't even move to look at either of them because I know if I move now all I am going to do is hurt my hand and they will notice. I don't want them to make a big deal out of it. It's not worth the bother, I will fix it myself later.

"Alec. You have been working since eight AM. Have you even eaten all day?" Isabelle looks worried at my slightly frazzled condition. She leans back to look at me. "Alec- My God! What happened to your face." Isabelle lightly grabs my chin, trying not to startle me probably. She then pulls it to the side and I can't help but feel slightly afraid because I had already been in this position today and the idea of being held this way makes me nervous.

"Woah, that's an impressive bruise, what did you do?" Raphael asks as he leans in to get a better look. I had no idea that Dad had let any marks show on my face. Usually he is good at making sure he doesn't do that but he must have been really angry today if it let him to be careless.

"Nothing, I uh fell. I'm okay." I say but even to me it doesn't sound very convincing.

"Bullshit Alec. C'mon you are coming with me now and on the way to dinner you are going to tell me exactly what happened to you." She grabs my right hand and pulls me up. I am started and as an automatic reflex I try to grab onto the desk only to cry out in pain when my hand hits the hard wood.

"Holy shit!" Raphael looks slightly green at the sight of my hand. I guess I would be too now that it's swollen to almost twice it's size and is looking a little red.

"Alec! hermano! what has happened to you...why haven't you gone to the hospital." Isabelle looks like she wants to cry. I know she hates seeing me in pain just as much as I hate seeing her. "Raphael, call the others and tell them that we have to go to the hospital, we might not be able to meet them for dinner." Isabelle pulls out the keys to her small car. "Let's go, I'm driving you to the hospital." She then pulls me out of the room, calling someone as he goes.

  
_________________________________________________________________________________

We spent five hours in the hospital waiting to see what was wrong with me hand. It turns out that the weight of my fall made me break one of the bones in my hand. It was a pretty bad break so I was going to have the cast on for a long time.

Isabelle had been silent the whole way there and most of the time we had sat in the hospital. But I know she was only waiting for the right time to get me to tell her what happened. Part of me really wanted to tell her the truth. Dad had gone a little too far this time and I know that I might have to tell someone. I couldn't risk letting the man do it to someone else the next time he wasn't happy with them.

As we exited the hospital I was surprised to see that everyone was standing out in the cold waiting for us. They were holding several bags of food and drinks. Some of them were holding hot cups of coffee to try and keep themselves warm.

"Alec! are you okay!" Clary was the first one to see me and as soon as she did she was letting go of Jace in order to come over and throw her arms around my neck, she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach me and even then it was hard for he, she was just so small.

"I'm fine. What are you all doing here?" I ask. My voice falters at the end when I see Magnus standing behind the group, who had all merged closer to me. There was worry in his eyes along with something else I couldn't place. It was almost a knowing look. It frightened me slightly because what did he know? Surely he didn't know about the thing with my dad? I mean that's not the first thing you would think off.

I also scan over him to make sure he is okay. He looks fine but I can still see that he is a little shrunk into himself. There is obviously still something wrong with him.

"We are taking you back to Raphael and Magnus's loft to cook you dinner. You deserve it after a long working day and a trip to the hospital." Jace looks proud as he wold up the bag of food he was carrying.

"We all felt bad for you missing out on dinner, then we found out you were hurt so we knew we had to treat you...some of us were pretty insistent on doing it." Catarina throws a look at Magnus who simply winks at her. It's lacking the flare he had when I first met him.

Something dawned on me. Where was Camille? Wasn't she his girlfriend? Why wasn't she spending time with him. He always seemed to be with his friends now. Isabelle tells me all these stories whenever she was at work. She tells me of all the things her and her friends get up to, none of them involve Magnus ever being around Camille. I wonder what happened in the club that night. Was it my fault? She seemed pretty annoyed at me.

"Excuse me for wanting to make sure he was okay." Magnus defends himself but he gives me a small secret smile that no one else seems to pay attention too.

"Well I think dinner sounds great, shall we go?" Raphael motions with his head to try an get us all moving. Everyone grumbles in agreement. They all move to their respective cars and I head towards Izzy's. Just as I am about to enter the car I hear someone clear their throat from behind me. Turning I see that it is Magnus.

"Alexander, do you mind if you ride with me. I have something I wish to talk to you about?" He asks. Isabelle sends him a weird look but doesn't say anything as she climbs into the front seat.

"Uh s-sure." I say before closing the door to Isabelle's car. He leads me over to a very sleek black car, the only thing about it that screamed that it belonged to Magnus was the bright pink wheels. He opened the door for me before walking around to the drivers side.

"I don't want to make you feel any pressure Alexander." Magnus looks a little nervous, and his nervousness makes me nervous. He doesn't seem like the guy who feels that way very often. "Please don't hate me for asking but... was it your father who did this to you?" Magnus asks and my whole body freezes.

Magnus catches on to how tense my body became and it is enough for him to guess that it was the truth.

"Magnus...you don't understand-"

"Oh I understand perfectly well Alexander. How do you think I guessed?" Magnus asks as he straps himself into the car and starts the engine.

His statement shocks me slightly because I couldn't imagine anyone hating this perfect man sitting beside me. It seems like a crime to hurt someone like him. "Wha-" I start but he holds up a finger.

"I don't want to overstep my boundaries Alexander, considering we have only met a couple of times. But you remind me of a younger me. I knew I was bisexual my whole life and it didn't sit well with my step-father. He couldn't have me around and after the death of my mother, he finally had a reason to get rid of me. He tried to drown me but luckily Raphael's mother found him before he could do it." Magnus trails off as he pulls the car out to follow behind Isabelle's. "She raised me to be who I was. And I think that is what you need Alec." He says seriously.

I want to argue back that I could handle myself on my own but he continues to speak. "Alexander you know you are Gay and no matter what, he cannot change that. Sooner or later someone will come around and you will fall for them. You will love them and you will see how silly it was to pretend to be someone you are not... I know because it's happened to me." Magnus is silent for a moment. There was something behind the words that made me shiver.

"Camille?" I ask because it makes sense, he is dating her.

"No." He whispers after a moment.

I turn to look at him. Shocked that he would say no. Wasn't his whole point that he found someone who made him realize who he was.

"Once again Alexander, I don't want to pressure you but I think...no I know that there is something about you that just feels right. It's stupid though, we have only met like three times but as soon as I saw you in that club, I forgot all about Camille and the person she makes be become." Magnus sighs before pulling over on the side of the road, allowing Isabelle's car to drive away without us.

I am shocked. Never did I expect him to say that. He was right when he said that we didn't know each other very long but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something towards him. "Camille-" I start but Magnus cuts me off by holding up a finger towards my lips. It makes me freeze, my eye flickering down to look at the finger resting just in front of my lips. Almost touching but not quite, he is always respecting my boundaries.

"After that night I met you. Camille was mad that I spent a little too much time looking at you rather than paying attention to her." Magnus falls back against his seat, looking slightly defeated. "I gave her some time, knowing that she needed it." he gulps before continuing. "I saw her two days later, kissing some British boy in one of the design studio's." He looks down at his hands which have fallen into his lap. All I want to do is grab hold of one to let him know I was there.

"I'm so sorry." I say. I couldn't believe I had done this to him. It was my fault that his relationship was ruined. I had know him for just over a week and already I had made him hurt.

"It was not your fault Alexander. Camille saw it before I did." He tells me, looking back up to look me in the eye. "There is something about you that has unlocked something in me. Knocked down the walls around my heart that even Camille couldn't destroy." The look in Magnus's eyes is so sincere, so much so that I feel like I could cry from the weight of the feelings it brings me. "I understand if you don't fell the same-" Before he could even finish I find myself reaching over with my good hand to grab one of his own.

"I- I think I feel something but it's so soon and I have never done anything like this before...with the threat of my father hovering over me, I made myself pull away from everyone even when I didn't want to." Magnus looked down at our hands in shock. "I made everyone believe that I was so drawn into myself and that I hated anything physical but it's not true." My voice breaks on the last couple of words and suddenly Magnus is holding my hand tighter.

"Oh Alexander. We don't have to rush into anything." He promises, looking into my eyes again. "We can get to know each other before we do anything but you can tell me what you need and I will be there." He says.

"I need someone. I need my family and whatever friends I have made." I start to panic slightly. "I hate to admit it, I don't want to sound weak but... I need to be held. I want the physical comfort of someone beside me. I want to be able to cuddle up with my brothers and sister instead of sitting as far away as possible. I want the warmth that can only come from another human. And, meeting you... I can see myself allowing all of that to happen. I want to say fuck off to my father, I want people to know what a monster he is. I want Isabelle and Jace to know the truth. I want them to see me for who I am and not the person my father has made me into...I want- no I need your help Magnus." I almost plead then suddenly I am being pulled into a warm embrace.

Without even thinking about it, I fist my hands into the soft purple jacket Magnus was wearing. I pulled him as close to me as my seatbelt would allow, my body loving the attention it so badly craved all this time. I never really wanted to let Magnus go. It was so soon and I didn't really know the man, but I knew that he was going to be good for me. I knew one day that I may love this man. I trust him with my whole being.

"I will help you Alexander. I will be there whenever you need me, day or night. If you fall I will be there to catch you darling...no matter what." Magnus chants into my ear, almost sounding like he was begging me to understand him.

"Thank you...I can't tell you how much-" I break off. Unable to form words that would express how I feel.

"I understand Alexander... I would do anything to make you feel better." Magnus whispers softly then pulls me tighter to him.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was another half an hour before we reached Magnus and Raphael's loft. It only took us five minutes to get there as the streets were not busy due to the late hour. The other twenty-five minutes consisted of Magnus holding me and reassuring me that it would all be okay. He promised he would stand with me when I decided to tell everyone the truth at dinner.

"Are you alright Alexander?" Magnus was holding my hand gently as we stood at the door. He held it the whole way up the stairs to the loft, as if reminding me that he was there for me.

"I'm fine... I can do this." I say to him but it was more aimed at me, as if I was trying to convince myself. As if me saying it would make it true.

Magnus gave me a weak smile and a squeeze of the hand before letting me go. He opens to the door and I met by the smell of chicken and the sounds of my friends (I actually have friends) laughing.

"Where the hell have you been!" Isabelle half screams when we walk into the room. "I tried calling you and everything. I thought you had been-" Isabelle stops yelling at us when she notices the look on my face. "Oh my god what happened? What did you want to talk about?" She asks Magnus who simply motions back to me.

"I need to tell you something...Magnus was helping me sort through some things." I say before sending a grateful smile towards Magnus who smiles back at me.

"Okay..."Isabelle gives Magnus and I a weird look before crossing over to sit next to Lydia and Clary.

"You okay mate?" Jace asks, sensing something wrong with me. We have something weird like that, we are just able to sense what each other are feeling, it's some weird bond thing we seem to have grown.

"I need to tell you something, you and Isabelle more than the others but I guess Clary and Simon should know too since they are around often enough." I announce and the room goes silent. The silence makes me nervous but then I can feel Magnus's presence at my side and I feel slightly better.

"You can do this." He whispers low enough for only me to hear and I am suddenly feeling very confident.

"This is something only two people know in my life, those being Magnus and my Father." Jace and Isabelle glance at each other, both of them looking really confused. "Up until now I felt like I had to hide it from everyone. I pulled myself away before getting close to anyone...I was lonely, very lonely and what I believed to be touch-starved." I say before reaching out to grasp Magnus's wrist. He allows me to cling onto him without making a move to go any further. I appreciated it. "I was made to believe that I was sick and that I would let everyone I love down...that I was worthless and I believed it more than anything." Isabelle let out a tiny whimper at that. "But not anymore and I have Magnus to thank for that." I move my hand down until I am able to take his hand in mine. "If it weren't for him letting me know what I was worth then I wouldn't be able to tell you now that I'm...gay." I lower my gaze before I could look at any disgust in their eyes. The room is silent for a while before it is broken by Clary.

"Alec that's...wonderful!" She exclaims then jumps over to me a if she was about to hug me then she stops, remembering my issues. Before she has even began to think of something to say instead of hugging me, I sweep her into my arms, holding her close to me. She gasps in shock but grabs onto me out of instinct. I hold her tightly, letting her know that it was okay and that I wanted it. "Oh Alec! I'm so proud of you." She finally returns the hug.

I can hear others behind Clary all get up, all of them yelling about how great it was that I decided to come out. Once I let Clary go I am met with Simon and Isabelle. They both look a little guilty.

"Alec... you have no idea how proud I am of you right now..."Isabelle trails off for a moment to look at Simon. "I guess since you told us the truth, it would only be fair if we told you that both Simon and I are also not exactly straight." She announces and all I can do is stare in shock.

"But you are dating?" I ask, my eyes flickering between the both of them.

"No, we aren't and we never have been. Simon and I are both bisexual so it was easy to convince people that we were," Isabelle turns to give a smile to Lydia. "I'm dating Lydia and I have been for a couple of months. Simon and Raphael have been dating for almost a year." Suddenly everything makes sense, especially with the night at the club when they both vanished. "We told people we were dating so no one would find out about us." She says and suddenly what she says dawns on me.

"No...no, no, no!" The thought of Dad comes into my head. I can't let him find out about Isabelle, I can't let him do what he does to me, to her. Before she could even ask me what was wrong I have pulled her into a hug. The first hug we have shared in ten years.

"Alec!" Isabelle sounds shocked but I just can't help it. I can't let her go. I just can't allow Dad to do anything bad to her. "Hermano! what's wrong?" Isabelle strokes me hair and it's only then that I realize that I was crying.

"You can't tell him! please don't tell him, please!" I almost choke on the words as I try to get them across to her. "He'll hurt you, oh my god I can't let him hurt you." I sob.

"Alec! What are you talking about? Who is going to hurt me?" She sounds frantic and I can hear the others trying to calm me. It's not until I feel a familiar hand land on the small of my back that I pull away from her. Magnus is standing there with a knowing look on his face. He pulls me away from Isabelle and into his own arms.

"What Alexander is trying to tell you all is that his father is an extreme homophobic who has been abusing him for years over his sexuality." Magnus announces to the group as his hand threads through my hair.

We are met with silence.


End file.
